Category: Uncategorized

fkn-ruude:

I don’t date a lot, and I take every relationship I’m in very serious. I have to see an actual future with the person I’m with otherwise what’s the point. Though Im finding that not many people have the same mindset.

tsunasty:

deafonyourleft:

totallytrailbreaker:

skellydun:

rip santa.

Working in Retail in under 3 minutes

i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb

transcript:
“So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more.
So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects?
And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is.
So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening?
So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.”

dave. im done with just seeing it on my dash and not knowing wtf is going on. explain what “critical roll (?) ” is to me pls

shorthalt:

WELL

YOU SEE

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT CRITICAL ROLE

critical role is a show hosted on geekandsundrys twitch every thursday. all of the episodes can be found on geekandsundrys website and almost 40 episodes can be found on youtube if you just search “critical role”

critical role is just. its a bunch of fucking nerds okay.

okay no for real, its a show where they play dungeons and dragons. all of the players are well known voice actors, which leads to very fun character interactions. 

said characters are… quite colorful

grand master dungeon master matthew mercer is merciless (mercerless, even) and every single one of his npcs have their own voices and mannerisms and i love every single one of them. such characters include viktor the black powder merchant, who is better experienced than explained

onto the characters!

vox machina is a rag tag group of mercenaries-turned-family and honestly thats my one fucking weakness. they care about each other so much it hurts my heart.

vax’ildan: a half-elf rogue with a foul mouth and a charming smile. hes the dad friend. he was raised by his mother along with his twin sister vex’ahlia until they were sent away to live with their disdainful father. the two ran away from their home and set out on the open road. “

An outsider since birth, Vax quickly learned to solve life’s challenges in his own particular way, often by sidestepping them entirely. And when his knack for circumventing adversity isn’t enough, the way of blades the elves schooled him in more than makes up the difference.

” he’s also canonically bisexual and honestly… really cute.

vex’ahlia: a half-elf ranger and twin sister of vax’ildan. shes known for winking, haggling, and absolutely annihilating anything in her path. she also has an animal companion, a bear named trinket, who is adorable and gives expert massages. when she and her brother ran away, vax took to the cities and vex took the wilderness, honing her skills as a hunter. shes very deceptive and knows her way around people, and her and her brother are considered the unofficial leaders of vox machina. she is also canonically bisexual. i love her. 

pike trickfoot: ACTUAL GODDAMN ANGEL. gnome cleric and confirmed cinnamon roll. she serves sarenrae, the goddess of light, healing, and redemption. since she was young she was always good at healing, and studied magic until one day her great great grandfather was almost killed by a group of goliath barbarians. one of the goliaths took a stand and saved his life, and he himself was beaten, bloodied, and left for dead, abandoned by his herd. pike took him in and healed him. when he awoke, they became the best of friends. a few years later he would return the favor, and bring her back to life after she was killed in battle. “

After being killed in battle, Pike felt angry. She wanted to be stronger, so that it would never happen again. She spent four months at sea, training with the men and women aboard a ship called The Broken Howl. Gripping her holy symbol in one hand, and her morningstar in the other, this time, Pike is ready.

”

THIS IS GETTING LONG LET ME JUST 

grog strongjaw: goliath barbarian with two great loves in his life: combat, woman, and ale. (hes not… the smartest member of vox machina) “

Easily the brains of the group, Grog is often consulted for his vast knowledge of shapes, colors, and shiny things. Also ale.

” grog is a mess but hes honestly the source of so much in character humor and i fucking love him.

Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III: just call him percy… please.... human gunslinger. he’s very diplomatic and charismatic, but hes also fucking ruthless, given his nickname is No Mercy Percy. his entire family was killed by two nobles, lord and lady briarwood, and he made a deal with a fucking smoke monster piece of shit to exact revenge on them.

keyleth: ACTUAL FUCKING PRINCESS. half-elf druid. shes an awkward sweetheart but it is unwise to underestimate her. she is powerful as fuck you do NOT want to fuck with her. born to the air tribe of the ashari people, keyleth was a prodigy raised with a love of nature. the headmaster of her tribe recognized her abilities and appointed her to succeed him as the next headmaster. right now, she is on a journey called the aramente, or noble odyssey. a journey every druid headmaster must take before they claim their title. “

Part of the Aramente is proving yourself a strong warrior, a valiant protector, and a wise and compassionate leader. With this knowledge, one thought plays in repeat in her mind: is she even worthy?“ she also killed a child once. 

tiberius stormwind: unfortunately no longer a member of vox machina, tiberius was the partys dragonborn sorcerer. a scholar, a gentleman, a nerd, and… quite absentminded. he was on a journey to find arcane artifacts for his guild and continues to do so by himself. he also… he just.. always introduces himself to people. anyone. anything. he did it eight times in one episode. he has a wisdom of four let him live.

scanlan shorthalt: MY MAN. MY MAIN DUDE. hes a gnome bard and while he is almost always cracking jokes hes honestly had some of the most compelling moments… including something cough cough about a certain cough cough other bard cough cough cough. hes a lover first, performer second, and fighter distant third. hes also hopelessly in love with pike. “

Count on Scanlan for a hearty laugh, a rollicking song, and a twinkle in his eye that melts hearts and makes the females swoon.”

AND THATS THE MAIN CAST

HAHAHA HAHA

if you dont want spoilers, start chronologically. watch the story of vox machina.

if you dont care about spoilers. just fuck around with@critrolestats and @vox-machina you’ll find a lot of #nice info. dick around in the wiki. watch compilation videos and read episode summaries. skip to the goodies. follow a lot of blogs. we’re really dedicated orz.

there is almost 230 HOURS worth of content you’ll need to soak up, and honestly, i still have a long way to go before i can happily say that i am 100% caught it.

it requires patience, it requires focus, it requires involvement, but dont be afraid to pace yourself. watch on your own time, man, and honestly, good luck. youll need it

YEAH

THATS CRITICAL ROLE

hydrae:

hella late night doodle of percy ‘cause i’m on a pretty rapid critical role spiral and i’ve lost control of my life. i’m on the whitestone arc and i’m now experiencing No Mercy Percy and it’s everything i wanted